Leonard Cohen, Anthem
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
This last week has opened my heart and shown me just how much I’ve been resisting joy and connection.
From Christmas Day (also my birthday) until today on this New Year’s Day I’ve had a string of loving, connected, and deeply joyful conversations and moments that moved me to tears.
From the birthday posts on Facebook, where I sat and remembered something about each person,
to watching the fundraiser cross the $20k mark — buoyed by $10 and $20 donations,
to hearing friends express that they will have my back no matter what …
it’s been a time of opening up and letting myself receive deep love, profound joy and grace.
Image by Luba Lukova
In doing so, I realized that somewhere in these months of surviving the pandemic I made the decision to ignore feelings of tenderness because I didn’t want to constantly feel how much we’ve lost.
One of the hardest things to face is that, though I am stable thanks to my husband, I am also one of the tens of thousands of performing artists who watched their livelihoods vanish into thin air and who are told it will not return in any consistent way till 2022.
The feelings well up. And they move me to tears. And if I didn’t have the nurturing and loving support of our community pedagogy team, and others, I might be completely frozen in my grief.
When I started to pivot this project I didn’t think I was ready.
I had to take a leap based on my biggest dreams.
It was possible because of deep listening, thinking, and collective visioning.
We just launched @thereisaportal on Instagram! This will be a community space to share stories, engage, and host events around the project.
We hope this platform can assist us as we develop networks of care that begin with There is a Portal, and reach thousands around the globe.
This past year, I put my energy behind this bold project that says a performance, even a digital one, can be a method of teaching and learning, and the learning we do together can build knowledge about ourselves and each other, and the knowledge we create will open up channels toward our deep roots of possibility and seed hopeful visions of the future. I embraced community support in a time of uncertainty and discovered that the power of authentic and vulnerable connection can translate across distance with new media platforms, and can even be a catalyst for deeply personal reflection with new groups.
Some other times in my life when I embraced fear and opened myself up to hope:
Writing the ESOL TV series “We Are New York”, which won me an Emmy award and built deep relationships in NYC’s immigrant communities that I continue to this day;
Going to India as a Fulbright Senior Researcher for 9 months. Studying Parsi embroidery history for a new play I met master embroiderer Asif Shaikh whose concepts about embroidery are the foundation of the There is a Portal pedagogy!
Deciding to become a mother.
Thank you to all who have buoyed me and yourselves through a trying year. Uncertainty is not over, but can hopefully open new paths forward. I wish you wellness, love, and tenderness to manifest a year of growth, connection, and strong backs and soft fronts.
Crowdfunder update: Entering the last week!
When I started this fundraiser I didn’t think I was ready.
I put perfection aside and took the leap.
I rang the bells and you answered!
Each of you splendid human beings dealing with your own complex, painful, pandemic lives took the time and set resources aside to help this work grow wings.
It has ... and it will.
You have until January 9th to ensure we step onto the starting line with the fuel we need to keep feeling and keep going! (Venmo, Paypal, checks and cash are also welcome!)